It’s funny how it is near the end of something momentous when
we realize how much a place, person, or way of life has become a huge part of
ourselves. It is in the end that we begin to question, How will I live without this person? Or, nowhere is like this place,
where do I go from here? Or, I am so comfortable with the way my life has been,
how can I adapt to another change; something unknown- something new, again?
As people, when you really fall into
something or someone we love, we tend to put our all-we invest in moments of
forever. Forever. Although we all
know and consciously understand that forever
does not really exist, we imagine ourselves in what I like to call, a forever memory. A forever memory can be people,
experiences, words, or anything we remember (positive or negative) that we carry
with us in what seems like a forever-lifetime.
One of my forever memories, will be the place I served;
Neijiang, and all the people and things I did here. It has become so much a
part of me that I can’t even visualize myself anywhere else. I can’t seem to
decorate another apartment in my head because the only one I see is my
apartment here. I can’t see myself going to Pathmark again because the only
place I see myself grocery shopping is at the back market. I can’t imagine
myself leaving Neijiang. I haven’t even had a chance to really sit and process
leaving because I have been so busy. I have been unfair to myself and to my
forever memories; forgetting to write them down, forgetting to reflect,
forgetting to let myself take a moment to smile about them, or cry.
Yet, here I am. At the end of one of my forever memories,
stuck and confused as to how I got here so quickly. Recently, I have had quite
a few “see you another time” lunches and dinners. All of them have felt like I
would truly and honestly be seeing these specific people again. As if our paths
in life will meet again. Have a convinced myself of this or is this really
true? I don’t know. I won’t know until it happens or it doesn’t. With each
lunch and dinner I have had, I have tried my best to channel good positive
energy towards my friends and students. I hope and wish and pray for them in my
heart as I watch them walk away and move into new experiences.
I turn my head back to look one final time as I watch them
go and my heart warms because every time, every time they look back, too.
